Faith?

I constantly feel like a disappointment in my parents' eyes. They are very involved with church and their faith and I have yet to find myself when it comes to all that "stuff." As George Michael says "You gotta have faith"..yet, I can't seem to grasp that notion. I grew up in a church-going family. We went to church every Sunday, I was involved in the choir, youth group, etc. My parents still ask me every week if I want to go to church with them even though they know the answer. Well, when I attended JMU, I found myself searching for something to make me more "whole" than the whole party scene. That's when I met a few girls who were involved in Intervarsity (an Evangelical & interdenominational organization). Basically, every Friday night I would go to a church service and then hang out with all of the people I met there. I fit in immediately. People accepted me and liked me. I felt as if I had really found my place. Then the bible studies started and everything I did revolved around Intervarsity and the people in it. My roommate (who is still one of my very good friends today, thank goodness) and I grew apart. We barely spoke when we were in the same room because I made her uncomfortable. I began to alienate myself from all of the people I was hanging out with in the beginning of the year. It was such a shame because they were awesome. I then began to like this boy named Tim. He was one of the most amazing guys who was God-fearing and very respectful. I dove into Christianity even more. Well, I guess I woke up one day and realized that I wasn't being true to myself. I had gotten into huge fights with my best friend from high school, telling her that her way of life wasn't right. Who was I to tell someone that? I was supposed to be living a life without judgment but that's all I was doing. Judging. For spring break that year, I went to Nicaragua to work with orphans. It was one of the most amazing experiences of my life and it brought me out of my funk. I realized that I had become sucked into this world because I wanted to fit in. I never grasped the "faith" side of it. I think it pretended even though I believed it. I've been through many ups and downs concerning Christianity and now I'm more wary of it more than ever. I hate that. I want to believe in something that makes me whole. I just get this weird "cult-like" feeling whenever I'm at church and whenever I hear someone preaching. I just TRY to live my life by loving people and treating others the way I want to be treated. I believe in the golden rule (even if I don't follow it to a T). Anyone else feel lost when it comes to religion and faith??