Eat, Pray, Love.

This is one of my most favorite quotes from Eat, Pray, Love. Yet another quote that is perfect for me.

"I was suffering the easily foreseeable consequences. Addiction is the hallmark of every infatuation-based love story. It all begins when the object of your adoration bestows upon you a heady, hallucinogenic dose of something you never dared to admit you wanted-an emotional speedball, perhaps, of thunderous love and roiling excitement. Soon you start craving that intense attention, with a hungry obsession of any junkie. When the drug is witheld, you promptly turn sick, crazy, and depleted (not to mention resentful of the dealer who encouraged this addiction in the first place but now refuses to pony up the good stuff anymore-- despite the fact that you know he has it hidden somewhere, goddamn it, because he used to give it to you for free). Next stage finds you skinny and shaking in a corner, certain only that you would sell your soul or rob your neighbors just to have 'that thing' even one more time. Meanwhile, the object of your adoration has now become repulsed by you. He looks at you like you're someone he's never met before, much less someone he once loved with high passion. The irony is,you can hardly blame him. I mean, check yourself out. You're a pathetic mess,unrecognizable even to your own eyes. So that's it. You have now reached infatuation's final destination-- the complete and merciless devaluation of self."

Self-Discovery.

"You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition.  What you'll discover will be wonderful.  What you'll discover is yourself." -Alan Alda.

"Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves." -Henry David Thoreau

"You cannot dream yourself into a character; you must hammer and forge yourself one." -James A. Froude

"It's a helluva start, being able to recognize what makes you happy." -Lucille Ball

"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be." -Douglas Adams

"A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it." -Jean de La Fontaine

"Those who are brutally honest are seldom so with themselves." -Mignon McLaughlin

"If you can go through life without experiencing pain you probably haven’t been born yet." -Neil Simon      

Quote of the day.

"I believe that everything happens for a reason.... People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe less so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, & sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." - Marilyn Monroe

I love my sister.

So I just found out that my sister sent me a book entitled "How To Avoid Falling In Love With A Jerk" - and I'm really excited about it. I have this crushing fear that my next relationship will be an abusive one. I have no idea where this came from considering I have had two great relationships thus far. I do know that my sister is the best. She thought I was going to be mad that she sent me that book but it just shows that even though I get on her nerves within an hour of her visits, she loves me unconditionally.

I love you C*Ster!

Quotes of the day.

"Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." -Bob Marley.

 "Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy." -Eskimo Proverb.

"Never give up on something you can't go a day without thinking about." -Hopewell Syprien.

"Edge of the Ocean" by Ivy

There's a place I dream about
Where the sun never goes out.
And the sky is deep and blue.
Won't you take me there with you.

Ohhh, we can begin again.
Shed our skin, let the sun shine in.
At the edge of the ocean
We can start over again.

There's a world I've always known
Somewhere far away from home.
When I close my eyes I see
All the space and mystery.

Ohhh, we can begin again.
Shed our skin, let the sun shine in.
At the edge of the ocean
We can start over again.

"Edge of Desire" by John Mayer

Young and full of running
Tell me where has that taken me?
Just a great figure eight or a tiny infinity?

Love is really nothing
But a dream that keeps waking me,
For all of my trying
We still end up dying, how can it be?

Don't say a word just come over and lie here with me,
'Cause I'm just about to set fire to everything I see,
I want you so bad, I'll go back on the things I believed,
There I just said it, I'm scared you'll forget about me.

So young and full of running, all the way to the edge of desire
Steady my breathing, silently screaming,
"I have to have you now"
Wired and I'm tired
Think I'll sleep in my clothes on the floor
Maybe this mattress will spin on its axis and find me on yours

Don't say a word just come over and lie here with me
'Cause I'm just about to set fire to everything I see
I want you so bad I'll go back on the things I believe
There I just said it, I'm scared you'll forget about me

Don't say a word just come over and lie here with me
'Cause I'm just about to set fire to everything I see
I want you so bad I'll go back on the things I believe
There I just said it, I'm scared you'll forget about me

A step in the right direction..

I am extremely proud of myself. Considering I have this huge amount of credit card debt that I need to start paying off and ASAP, I have taken some steps to make this happen:
1) Last night, I gave ALL of my credit cards to my mom. No big deal, right? HUGE! My issue is that after I make a payment, I keep using my card because I'm out of cash. Not a good plan.
2) I went to every website that I online shop at and removed all of my credit cards. That was really difficult. I almost didn't do it. But I did.
I haven't been this proud of myself in years. I am taking these baby steps to better myself in the long run. When the day comes that I can wake up and not feel the weight of my debt on my shoulders, I'll be completely and utterly happy.

On another note, I'm on the pursuit of a hobby/passion in life. I'm thinking of taking piano lessons and getting back into my art. I also want to get back into shape AND get outside more..I've never been one to hike and camp but I'm on a mission to do it and LOVE it. I've been so obsessed with the material things that I couldn't focus on anything else.

Go me. Huge pat on my back. Starting to get my feet back on the ground.

Quote of the day:
"It's a common belief that positive thinking leads to a happier, healthier life." -Meredith Grey.

Life Goals.

1. Pay off my credit card debt.
2. Move out of my parent's house.
3. Find "the one" and get married.
4. Have kids.
5. Live happily ever after.

Is that so hard?

"Wait It Out" by Imogen Heap

Where do we go from here?
How do we carry on?
I can't get beyond these questions...

Clambering for the scraps in the shatter of us collapsed
that cuts me with every could-have-been.

Pain on pain on play repeating
with the backup, makeshift life in waiting.

Everybody says time heals everything
but what of the wretched hollow?
The endless in between
are we just going to wait it out?

There's nothing to see here now,
turning the sign around
We're closed to the earth 'til further notice.

A stumbling cliched case,
crumpled and puffy faced
Dead in the stare of a thousand miles.

All I want, only one, street level miracle
I'll be an out and out, born again, from none more cynical.

And sit here cold, we will be long gone by then
In lackluster, in dust we layer on old magazines,
fluorescent lighting sets the scene
in the one life that we've got.

And sit here
Just going to wait it out
And sit here cold
Just going to sweat it out
Wait it out.

..letting others speak my thoughts..because I sure as hell can't.

Some simple yet wise words by Meredith Grey.

"No matter how thick skinned we try to be, there's millions of electrifying nerve endings in here. Open and exposed and feeling way too much. Try as we might to keep from feeling pain, sometimes it's just unavoidable. Sometimes that's the only thing left - just feeling."

"Pain. You just have to ride it out. You can only hope it goes away on its own, hope the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions, no easy answers, you just breathe deep and wait for it to subside. Most of the time pain can be managed but sometimes the pain gets you where you least expect it. Hits way below the belt and doesn't let up. Pain, you just have to fight through, because the truth is you can't outrun it and life always makes more."

"..knowing is better than wondering..waking is better than sleeping..And that even the biggest failure, even the worst intractable mistake beats the hell out of never trying."

"Communication. It's the first thing we really learn in life. The funny thing is, once we grow up, learn our words and really start talking, the harder it becomes to know what to say. Or how to ask for what we really need." 

"Maybe we're not supposed to be happy. Maybe gratitude has nothing to do with joy. Maybe being grateful means recognizing what you have for what it is. Appreciating small victories. Admiring the struggle it takes simply to be human. Maybe we're thankful for the familiar things we know. And maybe we're thankful for the things we'll never know. At the end of the day, the fact that we have the courage to still be standing is reason enough to celebrate."

"You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close you could taste them, but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is its hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely cause almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true." 

..and if you want to really know how I'm feeling, listen to these songs:

1. Heartbreak Warfare by John Mayer

2. We Might As Well Be Strangers by Keane

3. Gravity by Sara Bareilles

4. Between the Lines by Sara Bareilles

5. Warning Sign by Coldplay

6. Split Screen Sadness by John Mayer

7. Hear Me Out by Frou Frou

..it's like 2004 circa freshman year at JMU all over again..

I've officially become my own worst nightmare.

Faith?

I constantly feel like a disappointment in my parents' eyes. They are very involved with church and their faith and I have yet to find myself when it comes to all that "stuff." As George Michael says "You gotta have faith"..yet, I can't seem to grasp that notion. I grew up in a church-going family. We went to church every Sunday, I was involved in the choir, youth group, etc. My parents still ask me every week if I want to go to church with them even though they know the answer. Well, when I attended JMU, I found myself searching for something to make me more "whole" than the whole party scene. That's when I met a few girls who were involved in Intervarsity (an Evangelical & interdenominational organization). Basically, every Friday night I would go to a church service and then hang out with all of the people I met there. I fit in immediately. People accepted me and liked me. I felt as if I had really found my place. Then the bible studies started and everything I did revolved around Intervarsity and the people in it. My roommate (who is still one of my very good friends today, thank goodness) and I grew apart. We barely spoke when we were in the same room because I made her uncomfortable. I began to alienate myself from all of the people I was hanging out with in the beginning of the year. It was such a shame because they were awesome. I then began to like this boy named Tim. He was one of the most amazing guys who was God-fearing and very respectful. I dove into Christianity even more. Well, I guess I woke up one day and realized that I wasn't being true to myself. I had gotten into huge fights with my best friend from high school, telling her that her way of life wasn't right. Who was I to tell someone that? I was supposed to be living a life without judgment but that's all I was doing. Judging. For spring break that year, I went to Nicaragua to work with orphans. It was one of the most amazing experiences of my life and it brought me out of my funk. I realized that I had become sucked into this world because I wanted to fit in. I never grasped the "faith" side of it. I think it pretended even though I believed it. I've been through many ups and downs concerning Christianity and now I'm more wary of it more than ever. I hate that. I want to believe in something that makes me whole. I just get this weird "cult-like" feeling whenever I'm at church and whenever I hear someone preaching. I just TRY to live my life by loving people and treating others the way I want to be treated. I believe in the golden rule (even if I don't follow it to a T). Anyone else feel lost when it comes to religion and faith??

A very J. Crew kind of wedding.

 Is it bad that I've already picked out my entire bridal wear for my wedding? I have the idyllic wedding in mind. Outdoors in a garden, late spring, at dusk. White lights in every bush surrounding the ceremony. White tents lit up with white lights for an outdoor reception. Now, just need to find a man..Ha.

(Bridesmaids in navy)

Yes, we women ARE hypocrites.

The Disappearing Nice Guy

I found this article on CNN.com to be the truth. Why can't I find Mr. Right? Because I'm too busy finding Mr. Jerk-off.

New job, new life?

Yesterday, I was officially offered a position with Cellular Sales as a wireless sales representative and I've officially accepted. I'm so excited for the new opportunities that are before me but I'm more excited to become the adult that I should be. I will make the money to pay off my debt..I'll be able to move out of my parent's house and take on my bills..I'll feel like a grown up. Most of my friends have already achieved this milestone, but I feel as if I've been left in the dust. Not many 24 year olds still live with their parents (out of the people I know). I'm ready to get settled in a new place, find a guy I can be happy with for the rest of my life, and just be. I feel trapped. As much as I've pined to live in NYC, maybe this is where I belong?

Writer's Block.

See above.

My Oscar Faves

I was SO happy that Sandra Bullock won Best Actress. I cannot get over it!
Here are my favorites of the evening..
(all photos from: www.usmagazine.com)

Sandra was STUNNING -- she looked like her Oscar statue.

Anna Kendrick's dress was so soft and flowy - Even though it almost matched her skin, I think it looked fabulous on her.

Carey Mulligan - her dress was so unique! I can totally see why Shia LaBeouf is into her! I really want to see An Education.

 I know people were dissatisfied with this dress, but I LOVE the texture and the color. STUNNING.

Critics say she played it safe in this gray number, but I was a huge fan. I wish I had porcelain skin.

Kate Winslet is ALWAYS a vision on the red carpet.

Even though I was perturbed that she coughed on stage (it really threw me off) - she looked so amazing. I love that she can clean up so well. I love KStew.

Chanel Couture. Need I say more?

At first, when they didn't do the close-up of her dress (just the very top), I thought she and Elizabeth Banks were wearing the same dress. That would have been HORRIBLE. But Rachel looked a-mazing.

There were other beautiful dresses as well, but these are my faves. I really wish I had seen more of the films that were nominated for Best Motion Picture..esp. The Hurt Locker.

$100M Weekend For 'Alice In Wonderland'?

$100M Weekend For 'Alice In Wonderland'?

Debt = not so much fun.

Food for thought: I just looked into how long it would take to pay off one of my credit card bills by just paying the minimum each month - guess how long it would take?

31 years. 

I will be 55. 

I need either:

a) A Sugar Daddy

b) An awesome paying job

or 

c) To win the lottery.

Playlist for 3/5.

Photo by: Moi.

1. "Alice" by Avril Lavigne (from the album "Almost Alice" - music inspired by the motion picture - so this is in honor of the film!)

2. "Symphony of Blasé" Anberlin (because the tune is so melodic & I love the line "God if you can hear me out all right, please take these feelings for her inside, my chest hurts when I breathe tonight.." - I know that feeling all too well)

3. "Lost Cause" by Beck (because it's my favorite Beck song)

4. "You Don't Know Me" by Ben Folds feat. Regina Spektor (because I feel as if no one will ever REALLY know me)

5. "Man" by The Bird and the Bee (because "I want to be the best I can for me, for you, for every man")

6. "Believe" by The Bravery (because I love when this song starts playing during Gossip Girl in season one when Serena is walking and chucks her cell phone in a trash can)

7. "Dance" by Caedmon's Call (because for a Christian tune, it's really catchy)

8. "Sweet Disposition" by The Temper Trap (because I love the film "(500) Days of Summer" and I can relate to it completely - my parents have nicknamed me Summer..)

9. "Waiting For My Real Life To Begin" by Colin Hay (because the title says it all)

10. "London Bombs" by Eskimo Joe (because I love the piano in it and it's slow and sad)

Ahoy, and other nautical expressions.

Today, the long awaited Alice in Wonderland by the brilliant Tim Burton was released. I cannot begin to tell you how long I've been waiting for this version of one of my most favorite Disney films, especially one directed/produced by my idol, TB. My mother and I are planning on seeing it tonight in 3D and I'm itching with anticipation. The Roanoke Times called it a "strange trip," more like Grace Slick's psychedelic '60's anthem "White Rabbit" instead of Lewis Carroll's version. Apparently in Burton's version, it is post-Alice from our childhood. I am going to have to go into the theater with an open heart and mind, but I do know that Tim Burton rarely, if ever, disappoints me. The one slip-up was his production of 9. 

"I wonder if I've been changed in the night? Let me think. Was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. But if I'm not the same, the next question is 'Who in the world am I?' Ah, that's the great puzzle!"

Seriously LOST? Is that the best you can do??

I am a LOST junkie. I may not be as die hard as others, but I know my stuff. Anywho, the final season is absolutely KILLING me. Carlton Cuse & Damon Lindelof (two of the creators) told us (their loyal fan base) that we would have our questions answered this season. In all the previous seasons I don't think I've had more "Huh's?!" "WTF's?" etc. than in this final one. COME ON CARLTON/DAMON! I NEED MORE! Is this show really going to end with good v. evil? SERIOUSLY?

Thoughts...

Post Script.

Can anyone help me with blogging? I can't get my pictures to line up right..I'm clearly a newbie.

My thoughts on this horrid snow.

Seriously, I don't know how much more I can take. I have NEVER seen snow like this. I wish it would just stop. And now, it's coming down once again and I'm in a wretched mood because of it.


The only thing that will get me through this day/snow is online shopping..I just bought two amazing new tops for Spring:

one from J.Crew

& one from Anthropologie.

Playlist for 3/2.

1. "Clair de Lune" by Claude Debussy (because Edward Cullen says so)
2. "The Boys of Summer" by Don Henley (just because)
3. "In Your Atmosphere" by John Mayer (because he is my boyfriend)
4. "La Cienega Just Smiled" by Ryan Adams (because I miss LA summer 2008 big time)
5. "Bittersweet Symphony" by The Verve (because it's my all-time favorite tune)
6. "Iko Iko" by The Belle Stars (because I love the image of Zach Galifianakis & Bradley Cooper descending on the escalator in "The Hangover")
7. "Furr" by Blitzen Trapper (because Evangeline Lilly says so)
8. "Mandolin Rain" by Bruce Hornsby (because he is the MAN, I want a mini-Bruce in my pocket that I can bring out to play me a song on the piano)
9. "Yeah, Yeah, Yeah" by My Radio (because they are my friends and this song is in the trailer for the upcoming film "The Joneses" - check it out!)
10. "Foundations" by Kate Nash (because this song is bad ass)

Dreaming.

Today, I'm dreaming a little bit. My thoughts carry me away to distant places far from this little shabby chic town called Roanoke. I see myself in Greece, lying on the beach, taking in the culture. My mind shifts to the streets of NYC, my favorite place in the entire universe. I'm walking through The Village, popping into different boutiques, finding the perfect vintage dress. Quick flash to Nicaragua, where I spent three amazing weeks in 05-06. I'm hanging out with the most amazing ninos who changed my life for the better. I need an out. Every day I search Craigslist to find the ultimate job/career which will jump start my life. I feel as if it hasn't even begun yet..anyone else feel that way? I don't know how much longer I can go on living this way. I have the most amazing roommates (my parents) but I'm 24 and I need to grow up.

The lyfe of a temp.

In the past, once you graduate from college, you step into the real world with a brand new career. Fast forward to the present: more and more people graduate with a piece of paper and job-less. I am one of these individuals. As of right now, I have potentially three temporary jobs: barista, boutique sales woman, and front desk receptionist at a media production company called VPS. None of these are full time..none of these pay much over minimum wage. Why oh why was it necessary to get a bachelor's degree? I just want to move to NYC.

Chanel can do no wrong.

Chanel Spring 2010 Collection

vintage.

Photo by: Chrissie White

A little bit of magic.